The End
by CardbordCutoutJacobsGirlfriend
Summary: We know Bella was bad off when Edward left. But what about Edward? Did he really just sit and sulk? Or did he change his ways? *hint*- diet. REVIEW!
1. The End

New Moon, The End (Edward's POV)

"Come take a walk with me." only the centuries I have been alive for could prepare me for this. My practiced poker face. My repeated lies. I disgusted myself at the thought that _these _traits should help me. Things that no one should take pride in.

I hadn't fooled her- I could picture the stop sign in her head. She was trying so hard not to show it, she knew. A sudden urgency crashed over me- _just do it. _If I delayed any longer my perfect composure was sure to show its faults.

I grabbed her hand and lead her swiftly to the forest's path. I held my breath the whole way. Her scent was deadly- so alluring- but not in a bad way. It was calling me to her, because that was the only part of her that could speak. I could see her opening and closing - then swallowing. Everything about her- except her voice was screaming _NO!_

Pretty soon I was going to lose it and drop to my knees, begging her to erase this whole memory. Forgiveness- all I wanted at this moment. The hardest part was I could picture are whole life, if I was human. She and I gazing into eachother's eyes- then glancing towards _our _children- maybe even grandchildren,playing, laughing, carefree. I sighed internally because I knew that could never be.

Even vampires- no-monsters have weaknesses- I leaned against a tree for support. We weren't very far out I could see the house, clear in sight. Fire raged inside of me- everything was in such a pain I doubt anyone has experienced. I worried that she could see right through me- I knew that would make it just that much more unbelievable. A thought occurred to me. What if she didn't let me go? What if she still clung to me? I pushed such thoughts to the back of my head- preparing for hopefully the greatest and worst performance of my life.

"So what do you want to talk about?" she asked, I sensed a hint of restlessness in it- scared.

"We're going , Bella" it amazed me in a time like this I could still say her name, it felt like velvet on my tongue.

"Why so soon? Awhile longer-" her tone confused me, it seemed so much more relaxed, reassured.

"The time has come..We couldn't stay much longer, anyways. Carlisle looks scarcely over thirty and he claims to be thirty-three. No matter what we'd have to begin again." I spilled out the excuses I'd come up with last night. If I could cry- I would be in a hysteria of sobs- on my knees, pleading to just kill me now for the words I was going to have to say.

That was when she started to look confused. Then there was a hint of hopelessness- like she'd just lost a war.

"Just then when you said _we_-" understanding now dawned on her face.

"I meant me and my family" I referred back to my previous assumptions, maybe she wasn't going to let go. Was it wrong to hope that was the outcome?

She started shaking her head, in difience or to rid of the thought. What I wouldn't give to see in her head, see a hint of what this beautiful creature I was throwing away was thinking. "Alright, I'll join you"

"That is not a option. This is not a good place for you." a part of me wished that was not true, because it was. I wasn't good for her- at any minute I could snap, and hurt her. I knew she sometimes thought of me as her angel, but to me she actually meant more in that meaning than she would ever dream.

"Wherever you may be is a good place for me." how true, so true, it was selfish to think so.

"Bella, _I'm _not right for you." this was more truthful than her last spoken words.

"Please- don't be stupid." her words were begging. I wanted none other than to reach out and take her in my arms, to reassure her all this was lies. "You're the most wonderful thing in my life" and as she is to me

"This life is not for you." I was positive she knew what I meant by _this life._

" The whole thing with Jasper was absolutely nothing, nothing at all, Edward!" She was pleading now- desperation was black and white on her face. I didn't want to hurt anymore- but my world is not good for her. I'd rather have her move on, live a happy life- have that life I dreamed of us. I could wish that much for her.

"Correct." more pain, "It was only to be expected." Bella, Bella, _Bella._ My sweet, beautiful, amazing Bella. My Bella- no _was _my Bella.

"In Phoenix- you promised! To stay with me." she was chocking on her words, I could see her faltering slowly.

"So long that was the best for you." I wished I was the best for her.

" NO! This better not be about my soul? Carlisle told me, but guess what? I don't care! Take it, it's already yours! I don't want anything without you!" cries after cries of pleas, willing me to stay.

She was gripping and clawing at whatever she could find to make me stay. It was time for the finale. Well at least the finish of me. She could move on. And be happy. I never would be again, so long my Bella was away from me.

"I don't want you to come with me, Bella." I prayed this would do it- I had nothing left. My whole life was gone, in ruins. Here again I wished I could read her thoughts.

"You...don't...want..._me_." confusion swept over her, then _almost _understanding. She stared into my eyes. I hardened, making myself sound believable.

I inhaled, "No."

"Oh, that changes things," she was calm, like my words made perfect sense. I did sense a hint of disbelief.

"Of course I will always love you, just in a different way. The event the other night made me realize it's time for something new. It's...exhausting to put on a face and pretend to be something I'm far from being. I am not- and never will be human. This has gone to far, and I'm so, so very sorry." the words came out, hopefully not as rushed to her as they sounded to me. In truth I would _play _human for her for forever. If that was best. All of this turned my heart to stone in a not-so-literal sense.

"Please, no. Don't." her voice was a whisper now and I knew she was unclenching her hold on me. All I could do was stare at her.

"Your not good enough for me." when I saw the last ounce of hope fade from her eyes- I knew it was over. Unfortunately I had won.

"That's what you want." it wasn't really a question more a statement to herself. Yet I still nodded.

I had over and over told her she was my everything. And the one time I say otherwise she believes me more readily. My eyes tingled like I wanted to cry.

"If I may, I'd like to ask something of you in return."

"Of course, anything."

" Please don't do anything stupid or reckless, anything along those lines. Do you understand?" I wouldn't stand for a world without Bella. It seemed unreal. I wouldn't be able to live through it.

"I'm just thinking of Charlie, he needs you a lot. Be careful for him." be careful for me- I wanted to tack on.

"Yes." she breathed, agreeing with me- a first for the day. There was one more thing that needed to be done in order to live her life to the fullest...without me. I didn't want to do this, but I wanted Bella to be happy. So that was my goal.

"Making a promise in return, I promise you'll never see me again. And I'm not coming back. I'll make sure I won't be the cause of this again. You can move on, without me. It will be like I was never here and you never knew me." I could see her legs shaking, and her heart start fluttering. The most important sound to me in th e entire world. I would never hear her heart pound when I kissed her, or see her blush a brilliant red. Beautiful.

"Your only human, so don't fret. Time will heal for you."

"Your memories?" _my _memories were burned in my brain, taunting me for eternity. I Will Never Forget You.I wanted to tell her everything, about how everyday I exist- I will only think of the first day saw you. Or when I showed you the meadow- after when I kissed you. Or the night you said my name, and the whole world seemed in balance at that moment. When you told me you loved me- Those memories would haunt me.

"I won't forget- but my type can get distracted easily." another lie- how much more would I have to feed her?, "I guess that's everything, goodbye, Bella. I won't trouble you anymore." I have to leave _now, _everything would be destroyed when I lost it.

"Stop!" she choked over the word.

I grabbed her arms and held them at her sides, when she tried reach out. I pressed my lips to her beautiful hair, glinting red in the slight sun. She was so warm, and fragile. I could feel her eyes close. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and kiss her- kiss her like I never have before and showed her how much I really, truly love her- worshiped her.

"Be safe." with that I left. I ran until I couldn't help but collapsing to the ground. I found myself curled into a ball, sobbing the tearless sobs.

It was the heart wrenching times like these I wish I could cry forever.

**Author's Note-**

**Thanks for reading! **

**I know the dialogue isn't the same from the book- but those are Stephenie's words, so I came up with my own wording. And yes I also know I left out the part where Bella questions about Alice, but I cut it short.**

**PLEASE REVIEW- (even if you hated it, I will take everything into consideration to make it better!)**


	2. Flashback

Alice's POV

I sat in me and Jasper's temporary hotel room. Everything was so tense lately- who knew the move would effect everyone so strongly. Jasper was the worst, naturally he took the blame- thinking it was all his fault. I tried to comfort him, tell him he had it wrong. It did no good. I remembered the previous night's events.

_ We sat along the large dinning table in our unused kitchen. Edward was at the head of the table, looking absolutely- sick. There was no other word to describe it, if I hadn't known better, I would have assumed he was about to vomit at any minute. Of course I knew what was happening- sometimes my gift was a curse. I heard Edward clear his throat. I awoke from my daze._

_ "Thank you all for meeting with me tonight. I have a thought I would like to propose." he looked around- but I saw his eyes rest on Esme, for a split second longer. She gave him a reassuring glance. Did she already know too? I hadn't told anyone, I preferred to let my gift interfere little as possible when it came to private affairs._

_ "Alright. son. Let us hear it." Carlisle prompted him. _

_ "I do not hold anything against you, Jasper. In fact I'm almost relieved." I grabbed Jasper's hand and patted his knee with my other. I know he felt guilt that would haunt him forever. "This just proves how dangerous it is for, Bella to be around us." He inhaled sharply before continuing, "I suggest that we... move on" _

_ Jasper dropped his head into his hands, I know he was thinking this was all his fault. Carlisle was a calm statue, he would consider whatever would make us happy- or make our lives easier. Rosalie face expressed what she wanted. Emmett was whispering in her ear- trying to calm her. Esme looked as if she wanted to jump up a wrap her arms around Edward. She hated anything that caused us pain- especially Edward- he was her first son. Also she had seen him, for so long without Bella, and then with Bella. We all had. She wanted what was best for him. She spoke up first._

_ "Edward, honey- are you really sure-" _

_ "Positive. I don't want to hurt Bella." she nodded calmly._

_ He ran his fingers through his hair, took in a deep breath as he closed his eyes. He had the bridge of his noes clamped with his other hand. Slowly he regained his previous composure. "So- what is everyone's thoughts on this?" he asked, through clenched teeth._

_ "I will do whatever quenches your pain. But I will also take into consideration what the other's think. Esme?" Carlisle answered first, breaking the silence._

_ Esme jumped up and grabbed Edward around the waist. She only reached to about his shoulder. "I can see that you really don't want to do this- but I also know you love her very much. That is why I will leave, to make you happy." she looked near tears- if that could be true._

_ "Alice?" Carlisle questioning me second._

_ "Of course I don't mind" _You know it won't help you any? _I added mentally. He nodded slightly in response._

_ "I am so sorry- I wrecked everything-" Jasper looked up from his hands, pleading. I cut him off._

_ "It is not your fault! It could have happened to anyone- your just new. Nobody is blaming you!-" Edward was the one to cut me off next._

_ "Alice is right. The...accident made me realize, that I was being an complete idiot- for thinking this could work."_

_ "Listen! I will move- by myself. I don't want to ruin you and Bella's relationship. And I wish you would hate me. It would satisfy the grief that follows me everywhere." of course if Jasper left I would follow, without questioning his resolution. But I can't imagine my life without my other family members._

_ "No. Either we _all _go, or no one goes." Esme declared, she liked his idea as much as I did._

_ Jasper's buried head, shook back and forth. He was torn. "Emmett, Rosalie?" Carisle turned towards them._

_ "Dude- ya gotta do, what ya gotta do." that was Emmett's brilliant reply._

_ "Personally- I _hate _moving all the time. It is such a pain in my ass. But- I _do _understand where your coming from." she glanced at Emmett then, "I would do the same for my Emmett." Edward nodded in acknowledgement, then returned his gaze to Carisle._

_ "I am absolutely, one-hundred percent sure this what I want to do." he was answering an unspoken question of Carlisle I assumed._

_ "All right, then. It seems that we will leave Forks. Where shall we go then?" Carlisle asked._

_ "If you don't mind, I'd rather go off on my own for a bit." Edward was looking at Esme when he said this. But unlike with Jasper- she agreed. _

_ "Certainly, we all understand." She reached across where Carlisle sat and patted his arm._

_ After that we all slowly departed. Going off to our own rooms- some packing, others talking- and the obvious, "love" for Em and Rose. _

_ The next day we did end up splitting up- in a way. Em and Rose left to Europe on another honeymoon. Edward was off to wherever. I did see him in South America at one point. The rest settled in Denali with Tanya and the rest of her coven- Jazz and I left. His depression state was effecting everyone's mood. I didn't mind, as long as it would take, I'd stand by his side._

I looked up at Jazz, shaking my head from my trance. I put my arm around his waist- kissed his cheek, and whispered in his ear.

"I love you."

"I don't see how. I feel like a monster- _a real _monster. How could I? I almost murdered my brother's girlfriend. And if I hadn't such a blood thirsty beast, and was actually good at this way of life... none of this would have happened. They would probably still be living in their bliss. End up married and happy one day. Ugh!" I let him get it off his chest. I knew he would feel better, even if he was totally wrong.

"Your wrong. It frustrates me because I can't say anymore. Just believe me!." I rubbed his back, trying to sooth him.

I reached up and pressed my lips to his. His were urgent against my gentle ones. We continued like this into the late morning.


	3. New Life

Edward's POV

I composed myself long enough to move on from these woods it was to close to..._ Bella's _house. It was so hard to think of her name- to think of her. But I couldn't get her out of my head, she was everywhere, in every single thought that occurred in my vacant mind. Being in the same continent was to much to bear- personally I could be on Pluto and it wouldn't make a difference.

My cell rang for the millionth time in the last- year? No- only mere hours- or was it seconds? Time seemed irrelevant to me now that _she _wasn't here to spend it with me. I removed the damn thing from my pocket. With the simple flex of my fingers it was in tiny, unrecognizable pieces.

My legs moved mechanically as ran throughout the unknown. I didn't stop till I was in South America. It felt good- like everything, every thought, was blown away with the wind. But she was still there in the back of my mind, where she would always be.

When I was passing through the south of the United States, around Texas and Mexico I noticed a familiar scent- but I could care less about the scent. Right now I wanted to die, but as long as Bella was alive, I knew I wanted to be to.

I needed to clear my head- something to get the wonderful, addicting images, memories, and smells out of my head. Of course I knew I was kidding myself, I didn't want to let go a fraction of the time spent with her.

I stopped by a small pond in God-knows-where. I absorbed all of her that would come to me.

_She was a demon from heaven. She walked self consciously into the Biology room, scanning the room. I thought her eyes rested on mine though longer than any others_ _though- but of course I could be vain. I'll have to stop hanging around Rosalie._

_ Then her scent blew full force into me. Up until then I thought vampires were indestructible- but this one human girl was out to prove me wrong. It was floral and sweet- so mouth watering.- _STOP! _I was about to ruin everything Carlisle built for us, over one human. _

_ And of course she was gorgeous- not in a Rosalie way, or supermodel way either. But in a innocent beauty kind of way. Her dark, shiny, hair hung in a veil around her- eyes were rich, almost matching the waves of her hair. The pale skin was flushed a little- I could see the blood pulsing through her, hear her heart hammering. _

_ My world as detached- everything seemed to revolve around her. I _wanted _her so bad, it hurt I wanted it that much. I planned ways to kill her- there was to many witnesses- to much more blood than I wanted to spill. I _had _to have her though, it wasn't a question, it was an answer. NO! NO! _NO! _I loved my family to much to do this to them._

_ I tensed ready for the assault. The venom was pooling in the back of my mouth, I wanted to sink my teeth into her- drink the taunting blood in her veins. Ugh! I was disgusted with myself- I am Edward- Not Jasper. I was over 90 years old- almost 90 years of this life I choose. I was starting to act like Jasper._

_ No blood had ever effected me so. It was weird it was calling my name. Drink! Drink! Drink! My throat burned- I hadn't felt so much pain since I was changed. It was agony. _

_ She came and sat- of course- next to me. I scooted to the very max edge of my chair. My hands were clenched in fist, preventing me from doing anything rash. I kept my jaw clamped shut, my teeth were practically itching to bite my lip off and then proceed to her._

_ She got more tense when she realized my attitude. But I was used to it, everyone acted like that next to our kind. I had to give humans that much- they weren't so much ignorant, that they didn't sense the danger we radiated. _

_ She stole a few glances in my direction through her "wall" of hair. Released it was probably supposed to be a barrier between us. It only made it worse- blowing in the breeze that was impending from the open window, it was alluring. Everything was calling to me._

_ Did the class ever end or was it out to destroy me? I glared at the mouthwatering devil. When she peeked at me again she caught my black look. Reflexively she flinched and coward away. _

_ The bell rang, it was a cry of relief to me. I rose quickly, it took everything I have to keep up the human charade. I was out before anyone had the chance to register that it rang._

I marveled at how my former self could think that of my love. Then it hit me we were the same thing and had the same thoughts. That this is exactly the reason that I left. I could have murdered her right then, Jasper was about to murder. How long was I supposed to wait until Emmet, Rosalie,...Alice or the least imaginable- Esme took a snap at her?

And it didn't help that she was the most clumsiest person I've ever met in my entire existance. Suddenly I was attacked by the possibilities of what could happen to her without me. But there was no vampires there anymore, surely that ought to keep her safe. She survived seventeen years without a protecter, surely she'll strive through the rest? There is no question to that- she _will _make it.

I picked myself up, and listened to my surroundings. I heard cars and people chattering- or was it their thoughts? I've never felt so out of it! I headed East towards the noises. I probably actually looked like a _real _vampire, but what the hell. I was already damned for eternity why not push it?

**Author's Note-**

**I just had the most brilliant idea!!! But you do not get to hear the idea until the next chapter!!! Mwah ha ha ha ha!!! (do you like my evil laugh?)**

**PLEASE REVIEW!- do you hate it? should I stop? do you like it? do you- should I dare say- love it? ( yeah probably not love it, but you get the idea) Review!**

**Thanks!**


	4. Feelings and Emotions

I could practically taste the sweet blood of the innocent people. Venom pooled in the back of my throat. I imagined sinking my teeth into their necks, feeling the warmth fill my mouth. Picture a thirsty man that has been stranded on a desert island for weeks without a drop of water. That is how much my throat burned and ached. I wasn't Edward, the _good _vampire anymore. I was Edward, the bloodthirsty, craving, monster.

It didn't matter anymore. What good did it do to deny my predatory instincts? I had nothing to live for, nothing to be rewarded by. So who was gonna give a damn if I drank some stupid, human blood.? No one.

Wearing the stolen clothes, I stalked the scent of my prey- unsuspecting humans. One of the scents in particular caught my attention. It was floral, and sweet. Like Bella's. But of course it could not match the exact thrill of her scent. I could sit and measly, briefly inhale Bella's scent and I would get drunk on it. This one didn't even start to compare, but it was good enough to catch my attention.

She was reading a light book in her living room, sprawled about the couch. The windows were open, and a thrumming of a fan could be heard in a nearby room. I suppose it was hot to the mortals on a day like today. But it didn't phase me a bit, or slow me down. It was simple, really, all I had to do was waltz through the unlocked door and pounce. Enjoy.

It has been a while since I had to think of these things- tactics. In a way animals were more simpler, not as much obstacles. Of course, obstacles heightened the fun. It was then I stopped dead in my tracks, I was posed in a crouch by the door, waiting to walk through the entry. But the thought hit me, and it hurt.

___________________________________________________________________________________ "She''s gone." those all to simple words had too much meaning in them. Alice and Jasper were together at the airport- the airport where Bella was supposed to be. "We traced her scent into the womens' bathroom. But instead of pursuing, we thought to wait for you."

"She could be dead by now!" how could she wait?! My Bella is in mortal danger- and she decides to wait?!

My world crashed. What would I do? What if she didn't make it? I groaned internally at the stabbing pain that thought held. Being a vampire held one of the great gifts of multi- thinking. I was able to think of her death while processing the route in which I must follow to bring her to me. If she survived. The Volturi. Simple, clear, an explanation. My death.

I let out a furious hiss through my teeth. I felt Carlisle lay a hand on my shoulder, but I was in no condition to be comforted. I ripped out of his grasp and headed for the womens' bathroom, ignoring the screams and protests. Also hearing the purrs of delight- especially ignoring those.

Once exited the bathroom I followed the scent through town. I tried to stay hidden, so I could go at vampire speed. But when there was no shelter, I restrained myself enough to pass for a record holding runner.

It lead to a... ballet studio? Why would James possibly bring her to a ballet studio? Then I caught his thoughts. They disgusted me to the very core of my existence. He thought it would be nice _scenery _for the destruction of my love. He had tracked down _my _Bella, in attempts to destroy her for pure pleasure. But if he thought he would succeed he had a another thing coming. That sure to hell thing was me.

I heard her cry out in obvious pain, and... fear. For once, through her very thick skull I adored she was afraid of vampires. Hallelujah! If it had been any other time I would have been smirking with pleasure. Her pain was my pain.

I ran- not caring if a person saw me. Blood curdling screeches erupted. I flung myself at him, I clawed and tore, bit and snapped at anything I could get my hands on. But he wasn't no average vampire- he was a tracker. A tracker had to be ready to spring at it's prey at any given time. They were trained fighters.

I spared a side glance at Bella. She was crumpled on the floor, writhing in plain agony. My breathing was ragged and sharp. But it fueled my anger. I lashed out- willing everything in me to kill this murderer.

In the middle of war I heard Emmet and Jasper burst through the doors. Thank the heavens! They gave me a brief nod and took on James. I headed to my broken Bella. I wanted to commit suicide right then. _I _had put her through this. _I _had exposed her to the world of danger. _I _could have stopped this when it began. But _I _didn't. Now _I _had to pay the consequences. So did Bella.

"Carlisle!" I had barely spoken since the airport. My voice sounded foreign, strange. It was scared, worried, hurting, losing something held dear. Her voice rang out then. Frantic, rushed, tormented, my worst nightmare.

He _bit _her.

___________________________________________________________________________________ I was acting like a tracker. Like a James.

I didn't want this life, it wasn't mine. But it was an upgrade from what _was _mine. I was greedy.

I silently, and gracefully stalked into my prey's habitat. Aromas knocked the wind out of me. I wasn't used to wanting them, only blocking them out. Old habits filled me and I knew what I had to do.

It was then she noticed me. An angel in her house. A hungry, savage, insane angel. But to humans what difference did that make? None.

She was frozen, and unsure. In a flash I was in front of her, caressing her face, cradled in mine. Her face was a mock of horror. In a quick swipe, I removed the hair resting on her neck. I could see the blood pulsing and hear her heart beating irregular patterns.

"No!...Wh-Wha...Ahhh-" her feeble stumbling was cut of.

I grazed my teeth over her neck, letting the blood slowly flood my mouth and taste buds- enjoying the pleasure. I was in no rush, I didn't care about her pain. I wanted someone else to feel pain- No- I wanted to see someone else on pain. Feel it, hear it, see it, know it was happening to someone else.

What I really desired was to know I wasn't alone. These things brought the monster out in me. I felt free. No rules, no worries, nothing holding me back.

I drained the last ounce of blood. It was weird but familiar, the sense that I was still craving more. But when I saw myself through the reflection the window held- my appetite was no longer an issue.

I saw a man of seventeen. He had dirty, messed up, bronze hair. The clothes he bore were tattered, blood stained, and ripped. Lastly, his eyes- surrounding the black was a rim of red slowly transforming into the normal gold.

A different sensation went through him than he would have thought- satisfaction. He liked the red.

Red was change.


	5. Visions Left Behind

Alice's POV

_He stalked forward, sizing up his innocent prey. Reaching out tenderly to stroke her face- her fearful eyes widening, and lips stuttering. Taking his sweet time he bent down as to kiss her, then struck out and bit into her neck. Sucking slowly and for her- painfully._

_ Leaving the body dry as a bone, he simply walked off, not caring about keeping the secret._

I sighed internally. I knew this was coming, seeing it slowly rise as his future. But now, as I saw another flicker of the future, I became scared.

_He paused and stared at his reflection in the window and a sly smile appeared upon his face. The bright red eyes glistening in the image. He liked it, satisfaction was clear as day in his new eyes._

He... liked it? This didn't make sense. I know Edward, he would never do such things- or would he? Was he becoming someone I didn't know after all?

It frightened me...


	6. Triggering Old Pasts

Carlisle's POV

Previous conversations and memories flickered through, like passing cars on a highway.

I still couldn't believe the talk I had last night with Alice. My son... my son the... killer. It was reliving my dark nightmares. The days Edward left in his rebellious years, when he had a hard time cooping with the diet change.

It was sight to a blind man when he returned. I never held anything against him and I know he must have a very good reason for changing his ways- other than losing Bella.

Not having the ability to read minds was no problem when it came to my eldest son. I had lived many, many decades with him and I have a pretty good sense of his thoughts.

From my estimates he was grieving, and not dealing well and he needed some outlet for his emotions. Something to express the dark falling over him. But I still worried- worried if I would ever see him again.

_"I can't take this!" Edward was ranting around the small living space that Esme, Edward, and I occupied._

_ Esme reached out a hand like she wanted to comfort him. She loved Edward like her own child, and in a sense he kinda was her son. Being drawn to suicide when her _real _son passed on, this was a great recovery remedy. though I don't know how long her cure would be around for._

_ "I crave their blood so much. My throat burns with intensity. Animal blood just doesn't suit me, it's not enough. I want blood!" he had a wild, crazed look about his features as he declared his last few words._

_ For me it was never a hard choice to change, in fact I had never had a real desire for it. Of course, it wasn't perfectly easy, I had my struggles. But in the end I found what mattered most. The lives of strangers over my needs._

_ "I'm sorry you feel this way, but it is your choice. As much as I would grieve for you like a lost family member- it's your life. Live it as you may." I didn't want to pressure him into anything that would hurt him. _

_ I knew he had a dark past, with the illness, becoming a vampire, and the hardships that brought upon him. I never had any regrets for what I did to him, even if it the final decision was for selfish reasons._

_ "I think... I should take a break...from this way." he said this in a soft way, almost ashamed. The last I wanted him to feel._

_ Not wanting him to feel as though he should stay as loyalty for me- being the one how created him, I racked my mind for something that would reassure him not to feel guilty or pressured._

_ "Go on then, what are you waiting for? I don't want you feeling so. Leave if that is what you must do to retain happiness in your new world." reaching out a hand a patted his shoulder in encouraging sense._

_ He walked up to Esme and hugged and pecked her on the check, "I will miss you Esme. You have been a great mother to me when hard times arose. I used to think it would be horrible without my mother there- she was wonderful. But...you are the only person I could think to follow in her footsteps." he said this with such gratitude I knew if she could cry, she would._

_ Alas, she could not, but _she _did give him the most motivating smile and a hug that spoke. It said "Ever thing is going to be okay." She was the most amazing women I'd ever laid eyes on._

_ "Edward you are the son I lost years ago and I don't think I could ever call it a replacement, because you _are _my son. Now I am realizing that god has bestowed upon me my real son and there was never one to lose to begin with." I wrapped my arms around her because I knew it was a very difficult subject for her, but then I realized she didn't need me. Everything she said was true and had pure heart behind it._

_ "Farewell my son. I hope wherever your wishes take you it treats you well. Take care, Edward."_

_ "Good-bye, Carlisle. I appreciate all you have done for me, but I was not made for this. Yet there is a sense of accomplishment to know I tried and though it did not work for the best... I still put my best foot forward."_

_ I nodded and shook his hand one last time before he walked through the door._

I had to believe this time was different and he would return to me. But once again- I do know my son. When he commits to something he doesn't let go and he tries his hardest, this one of many things I admire about him.

One of the reasons I want him back and safe with Esme and I. It was like a second Hell for her, losing the son she actually got to hold and love for. He planted a seed in her heart and she sowed it until it blossomed- only to wither away and be chopped down. Her garden was left empty.

My only companion for so many years had deserted me. Resenting him would be against my nature and even though I feel like I should I can't bring myself to do anything of that kind.

I walked up towards my study to think over my years of previous work.

_If there is a God and heaven for us then please hear me._

_ I know my kind is murderous and cruel but I only have clean intentions in praying to you._

_ Dear Lord, _

_ Please keep my son safe and healthy. Guide him and show him what's right. Give him wisdom to know what to do- right from wrong. Forgive his sins, he has good intentions at heart._

_ Please, hear me._

_ Amen._


	7. Finding Home

Edward's POV

I was aware of everything now. It was like the best thing that ever happened to me... well, besides _her. _

I know what I am doing. No matter how many times I told myself these things, there was always a fraction of me that said no. No- you liar. How low, lying to yourself. Are you positive? Do you want to rethink things?

_Yes..._

_No-_

_Please!_

_I said NO!_

_Okay..._

So I fought with myself and fought and fought. I played dirty- using anything to my advantage. But for which side? That is the very thing that keeps me in utter pain and in the unknown.

I wanted her but I also wanted her safe. I wanted me happy and her- Bella. Then realizing I find joy in both ways is tearing and shredding me. Showing absolutely no mercy of forgiveness.

Maybe that's what I wanted all along- a little forgiveness some sign that I'm not living a wretched life. That someone can give me a break- mercy.

Bella showed me all of that- she bestowed all of it on me. I left it behind...

"_It doesn't matter." how in her right mind could she be able to say she didn't care that she was sitting next to a vampire. And so calmly. Amazing._

_But somehow it angered me. Liar! Liar! LIAR! She meant nothing- everything was not true._

"_It doesn't _matter._?" did she think she play like this- lying to a non- human creature of destruction? Lovely strategy._

"_No." so assured- how much I wanted to believe it. But believing in change was not something I was known for to say the least. "I don't care what you are." confidence was killing me._

"_So it doesn't _matter _if I am a monster. It doesn't _matter _if I am not human." I went rigid trying to control myself- she did nothing wrong. I had no reason to act like this. _

_Except I did. I..._loved _her. I wanted to beat myself for saying such things, but I couldn't bring myself to it. I wanted her to like me back and see through what I appear to be and see who I actually am. Finally, she was giving me that and I was losing faith in her. The faith that could save me._

"_Your angry, I shouldn't have brought it up and kept my mouth shut." she sighed and little blown out. _

"_Never hesitate to tell me what you are thinking. I'd rather know. Even though you are thinking insanely." I wanted to contradict myself and say she was right and we lived happily ever after. Except there was no- The End- in my head. _

"_I'm wrong again, right?" ah-ha she was faltering. She never meant it. Please let me die if she changes her mind._

"_That is not what I said."_

"_I'm correct?" was that desperation in her voice?_

"_Does it even matter?" I sighed and wanted to kill myself. It _does _matter. _

"_No-it's just I am curious." she pleaded silently and I caved. I wanted to give her the world. I wanted to give her me..._

"_What would you like to know?"_

"Ugh!" I pounded a nearby rock into dust with my fist.

It was all to real and I couldn't escape it. My only option was to go back. Back to where I belonged- where my heart lay.

But- what if she moved on? What if she didn't want me? I swallowed. There is only one way to know. Going home.

One step...

Two steps...

Three steps...

Three steps closer to fitting the puzzle pieces together.


	8. Visions and Surprises

Alice's POV

"He's coming back!" my eyes prickled and I knew if I could I would cry.

Esme's hand flew to her mouth and her eyes glazed over. "Oh" was all she could manage a little breathless.

"It's gonna be alright. It's gonna be all right, honey." Carlisle whispered in her ear, though we all heard it.

"My boy is coming back. I t-thought I would never see him again-" sob.

"Shhhh it's okay." Carlisle was to sweet for his own good.

Everyone was beaming-even Rosalie, who knew if Edward was coming Bella might be too.

_He sighed and walked. He walked slow for even a human. There was obvious questioning in his eyes. But he seemed to shy away from thinking and just do._

_He walked through woods, small cities, across roads, and through bodies of water. But never once did he stop. Until he smelled her._

_This woman or girl appealed to him. He stood in his tracks. Closing his eyes, he inhaled her scent. He lunged._

_She lay dead at his knees. Pale as a sheet, drained. He sobbed tearless sobs._

_Carefully he picked her up and moved her. He bent down and with his hands dug. Digging for minutes a hole appeared at his feet. Laying the women in the ditch he covered her in dirt. Placing a rock at the head, he inscribed:_

_Discovery Of Who I Am_

_2010_

_May Whomever See This Realize There Mistakes_

_And Fix Them_

I walked to the Swan's house and paused at the front door. I rang the doorbell.

"Alice!" Charlie came and gave me a bear hug. "You're freezing! Get in here and warm up!"

"Nice to see you, Charlie. It seems like forever." I plastered a fake smile upon my face.

"You bet. Is the rest of your family back?" he seemed anxious.

"Almost."

"No Edward?" he seemed hopefully and disgusted at the same time.

"I'm sorry."

"Mmmm he can tell that to Bella." I just nodded.

""Is Bella home?" I didn't hear anyone else so I knew she wasn't.

"No. She is over at Jacob Black's on the reservation." he found this amusing for some reason.

"Okay. I'll check back later."

"Your always welcome here, Alice." he seemed in a bright mood.

"Bye, Charlie."

"Bye now."

Who was this Jacob Black and why couldn't I see him? Something was up. Edward wasn't going to like this. I thought somberly as I ran back to the house.

_Hurry, Edward!_


End file.
